Good tanka for a first attempt, Diane. :) Proud of you.
I'd go for a bit more enjambment so that lines 1 and 2 connect as in regular speech and lines 4 and 5 as one thought. What you have are five separate phrases. The whole tanka should tell a story ...
All the same, its a VERY good attempt at writing tanka, Diane.
Good tanka for a first attempt, Diane. :) Proud of you.
ReplyDeleteI'd go for a bit more enjambment so that lines 1 and 2 connect as in regular speech and lines 4 and 5 as one thought. What you have are five separate phrases. The whole tanka should tell a story ...
All the same, its a VERY good attempt at writing tanka, Diane.